


role models

by rmaowl



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst and Feels, Anxiety, Bad Days, Character Study, Gen, Growing Up, Hiding, Hopeful Ending, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Inspired by Music, Isolation, Lies, News Media, Scandal, Scars, Secrets, Social Issues, Songfic, Stark men are made of Iron, Stuttering, Teen Angst, Teenagers, Tony Angst, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Has Nightmares, Tony Stark-centric, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Wordcount: 100-500, toxic masculinity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 16:28:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16538132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rmaowl/pseuds/rmaowl
Summary: There are burn scars marring his small hands and his mind can't possibly be wired right because the intrusive thoughts pile up and he can't figure out how to navigate social interactions anymore and sometimes his hands won't stop quaking and sometimes he can't breathe.





	role models

**Author's Note:**

> the song throughout is role models by ajr !! enjoy if u can

_(Three, four)_

Tony inhales sharply upon waking up. He breathes raggedly until he can manage to count under his breath. His fingers painstakingly trace the knotted and ugly scars his arc reactor left behind, fingertips brushing the sweat-soaked fabric of his white tank top.

This isn’t unusual, but it’s been a while since Obadiah‘s starred in one of Tony’s nightly spectaculars.

He still struggles to admit that they’re nightmares; it’s pathetic.

_All my role models are on TV for the wrong reasons_

Tony’s little more than a surly teenage boy when he meets Obadiah, but he has plenty of reason to put up a menacing and irritable façade. It’s what expected of him, anyway, emotionlessness; “Stark men are made of iron” and “boys don’t cry” are thrown around carelessly on the daily. There are burn scars marring his small hands and his mind can't possibly be wired right because the intrusive thoughts pile up and he can't figure out how to navigate social interactions anymore and sometimes his hands won't stop quaking and sometimes he can't breathe.

Stark men are made of iron, though, and boys certainly don’t cry.

_And, I will unravel if you rip away my best pieces_

As he grows older, he learns to rely on a dangerous cocktail of garish charm and offensive humor that often gets him into trouble. He becomes skilled in deflection. He doesn’t let anyone close.

This isn’t how normal people interact, this isn’t how they cope, but it’s all he’s been taught. It’s all he’s got.

Over the course of the years, his hands never stop shaking.

_Would've never come so far, without someone there to start it_

Something must click, or perhaps his old man simply pays the right person the right amount of money, because suddenly he’s more sought-after than ever. He’s appearing in news stories and magazines. He simultaneously flourishes and wilts under the newfound attention; his smiles are bright and his work is newly inspired, yet he has to hide more than he ever has to avoid another pressing “Stark scandal”. He can only imagine the cutting, disastrous headlines, and the way Howard would react.

_Can I truly love the art, when I kinda hate the artist?_

He learns to hold his tongue at the right moments, he learns when he isn’t allowed to speak his mind, he learns when he has to spin an airy, fake, non-controversial opinion that’ll appease his current crowd. He can’t babble about the things that he’s truly interested in or passionate about, he can’t ramble or stutter. Any imperfections or misunderstandings must be cleared up immediately, and then he must be reprimanded for them afterwards.

_But, all my role models are on TV for the wrong reasons_

He makes it through, and he does it again, and again. He finds slight solace in his work, in DUM-E and his ever-growing bunch of siblings, the robotic friends he makes himself because they’re the only existing creatures that he doesn’t have to put up a front for.

He survives everything, somehow. Anthony Edward Stark has survived every single “bad day” that’s been thrown at him so far, and he doesn’t intend to stop now.

His breathing calms. He stops outright quaking and settles for slight trembling.

He’s gonna be okay.

_Wrong reasons_


End file.
